How many times have we heard these words? I mean when someone wasn’t being sarcastic or snarky.
How many times have we said them? And meant them?
The answer to all of those questions is probably “not too often.” It is probably less often if you’re married. 😉
Why? Why don’t we hear them? Maybe it’s because we’re not right. Maybe it’s because we don’t say them enough.
Why don’t we say them? Really think about the last time you said “you’re right” without being a smart ass. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
You can’t remember either, huh? What is the reason that those 2 words are so hard to say?
Ego. That’s it. Our egos get in the way of telling another person that they are right. We are so bent on being right about ‘our side’ of the conversation that we can’t – or more likely won’t – see that the other person’s view could also be right. Maybe we haven’t thought of the situation from their point of view. Maybe we need to.
Have you ever gotten into an argument with someone that ended up boiling down to
“Am not.” “Are to.” “Am not.” “Are to.”
Where does that get anyone? And what were you arguing about in the first place?
What if instead you simply say “you’re right”? How would that argument end? Probably with a quizzical look from your partner. Then perhaps a “what is wrong with you?”
Then take it a step further and say “I never thought about it like that.” Then take the time to really think about it from the other point of view.
I know this is a hard concept. Well, it’s hard for those who aren’t actually right all the time. 🙂
I think that there are times, a lot of times, when it is better to be kind than to be right. No one likes to argue. No enjoys being in that state where you’re angry and your chest hurts and you’re on the edge of tears. And you’re so frustrated because they ‘just won’t listen!‘
You don’t have to go through all of that. We don’t know everything. No one does. So why not choose to end the argument. Instead, have conversation about the topic. You might learn something. You might teach something.
When I first heard this concept from Dr. Wayne Dyer, I thought “this guy is wacky. How is that the option? You’re either right or you’re wrong.” Then I worked on applying it. And let me tell you, it is WORK. I started small, with Bambino. Children say such wacky things all the time that instead of telling him ‘foxes do not sound like that’ I would try ‘maybe you’re right’.
Just that shift in my thinking has changed me. I have found more peace in my life when I apply this way of thinking. I’ll say, to myself “do I want to be kind or do I need to be right?” when something is presented which I want to start, or continue, arguing about.
Caveat: This does not apply to things such as ‘the pot is hot’ or ‘you should brush your teeth.’ I know that there are folks who read this who might take this concept and be literal with it. They will also use it for every statement made. Don’t be a wise guy! 🙂 (You know who you are!)
With this simple shift in perspective you too might find peace. Try it. It really is an effort. But definitely one worth making.
Peace to you.